


Nodus Tollens

by TaiOshiro



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Gen, Request Meme, Tumblr Prompt, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6336136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaiOshiro/pseuds/TaiOshiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Obscure Emotions Tumblr prompt: Nodus Tollens - The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.</p><p>Malik Adaar is a female Dwarf who was found and raised by a pair of Tal-Vashoth during the time of the Fifth Blight.  She has no memory of her life before meeting them, and frankly, she doesn't want to remember.  But on days like this when the rain falls and the mist clouds the ground, she starts to wonder about the life she left behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nodus Tollens

_Some things are better left forgotten_

 

Malik was silent as she stared out the window, watching the pouring rain outside. Drink in hand, it remained otherwise untouched as she watched the mist engulfing the rolling hills of Crestwood. She hated days like this; normally she didn’t give a Nug’s ass about the rain, but on days like this it hit her. Warm days where the humidity was just right, when the heavy rain brought the mist. It was such a rarity in Skyhold, she had almost forgotten what it was like to feel this way. But today she was away from the mountains, farther to the north where it was warmer, closer to the place that had always been home. Every so often she or Marek took time to travel across the waters to the Free Marches, wanting to visit their parents and make sure they were doing well. This time she came alone; Marek was busy with Inquisition business–and no doubt spending a lot of time dallying with his new paramours.

Not that she minded. Her brother deserved to be happy, and she intended to give her parents the good news that their son had found people he cared about deeply. One of them she could even vouch for, having had a few intimate moments with him herself; Bull was a good man, she enjoyed spending time with him. She just knew it was best to remain friends without the extra benefits once she realized he and her brother were more serious. Even though Marek insisted otherwise, she knew he was appreciative of it.

The sound of thunder broke Malik out of her reverie, the world around her coming into clear focus as she blinked. The windows of the inn rattled, and she watched as a family of three outside were quick to go rushing by, huddled under their cloaks to shelter them from the rain. Her gaze settled on the young child tightly clinging to his father as he was carried, no doubt because his father was wanting to spare him from having to face headlong into the rain as they ran. She felt her chest tighten a bit at the sight. The rain, the mist, and now this; it was bringing too many memories to the surface. Memories she often tried so hard to bury.

How long had it been? Eleven, maybe twelve years? She had only been twelve at the time. On days like this she still remembered it clearly; a lost, scared little girl, no shoes, dress in tatters, hair torn to bits as if someone had hacked through the strands with a letter opener rather than a knife. Fingers bloodied and nails splintered, soles of her feet worn to ribbons from how desperately she had been running… what had she been running from?

' _Don’t answer that,_ ' the Dwarven Adaar woman thought grumpily at her own mind. Some things were better left forgotten. She didn’t know what she forgot; she just knew that remembering it would break her.

The woods had been engulfed in mist as the rain was pouring down that day. She could barely remember climbing before she remembered the trees themselves, but more than that she remembered the scared feeling of not understanding the world around her. What were these strange things she saw?

The soft, sharp blades beneath her feet–' _Grass._ '

The towering structures–' _Trees._ '

The vast expanse of dark grey above–' _The sky,_ '–occasionally illuminated by flashes of light–' _Lightning._ '

How bitterly she corrected her child self, as if the thought of being so confused by the world around her were shameful.

Malik sighed as another crack of thunder pierced her thoughts, scattering them briefly. She hated days like this… They made her remember too much. Worse… they made her want to remember.

Some things were better left forgotten.

She could still remember being so terrified by the towering beasts more than twice her height when she ran into them. Skin as dark as–' _As what?_ '–the night sky, hair the color of silverite, and strange protrusions from their heads–' _Horns._ ' The horns frightened her the most at first, but the fear of–' _Fear of what?_ '–something pushed her through the barrier so quickly it was like a stone dropping from a cliff into the surface of a lake. There was no hesitation, no stopping what she did next.

Almost as if by reflex, Malik had immediately clung to the smaller of the two, the female–' _Tamassran. Mother._ '–and broke down into hysterical tears. Perhaps that was what had earned their pity; a lost Dwarf child in the middle of nowhere, badly injured, looking like she had just escaped Maker-knows-what, and during a blight, no less? You’d have to be heartless to ignore that. Unfortunately for her, that’s what many people were at the time; she was just lucky that the couple who found her weren’t.

She remembered how hard they tried to comfort and reassure her, standing soaked in the rain and ignoring the world around them as they tried to help. That was what good people they were–' _I owe my life to them._ '–she learned later that they were fleeing the blight, they were on their way to barter for passage on a ship to cross over to the Free Marches. With barely enough for themselves and their son, they still took her in, raised her as their own, carrying her everywhere as she spent weeks waiting for her feet to heal, and in that first meeting, even as the world was going to shit around them, they cared enough to help relieve her of her fears after such a terrifying ordeal–' _What happened?_ '

No. No remembering. Some things were better left forgotten.

Malik forced herself to turn away from the window, taking a sip of her drink as she leaned her chair back so that it rested against the wall. Maferath’s balls, one would think she would learn by now to leave well enough alone. She didn’t want to know what happened. She had a great life with her family, with her parents and her brother. They took care of her, they accepted her how she was… They helped her when she was scared, taught her how to fight, how to survive. Her brother looked after her, he protected her and she protected him. Together they helped to care for their parents, supporting them financially after they left home. She didn’t _need_ anything else.

Silence reigned as she waited for the next roll of thunder, broken only by the sound of the rain pounding against the window and the wind beating against the building. She stared into her mug, studying her own reflection for several long moments as the thoughts came creeping back to her. Was it really okay to not remember? What if there were family she left behind? Friends? Were they worried about her? Did they think she was dead? Why did they never come for her?

Did they even care that she was missing?

Malik set the mug down as she stood up, walking over to the window and letting her forehead rest against the glass. She had no idea where she came from; she had been found in the middle of nowhere along the edge of the Coastlands, far from any Dwarven settlements and certainly a long way from the Dwarven city of Orzammar. Was she from the surface? The underground? What had happened to her? What could have been so bad that she all but ran her feet down to the bone trying to escape?

She had long since stopped trying to figure out by what stroke of luck she had run into the Adaar family; that was enough for her to believe in divine providence. She wasn’t exactly the most devout Andrastian, but that day was certainly enough to make her believe. She certainly believed in the Maker more than the Stone anyway. At least she thought she did–she still heard the old song on occasion. It was strange–rather than a pull like other Dwarves had mentioned to her, it felt more like a gentle touch. Like a mother checking on her child in the middle of the night as he slept. That made it hard to really deny belief; but she couldn’t really imagine what the Stone could have done to affect her life. It wasn’t like the Stone was meant to be worshipped as a god anyway. At least that washed away any guilt she felt about her beliefs.

That word was enough to get her thought process to stop for a moment. _Guilt._ Why did that word ring so true with her right now? She had nothing to feel guilty about… right? She was a good daughter. She took care of her parents. She looked after her brother. She had joined an organization that was fighting to save all of Thedas from a threat bigger than all of them. She didn’t steal from anybody who was in need, she never took jobs that victimized the poor or the vulnerable, she respected people of all races, and she had been known to visit alienages every so often to do odd jobs for free just to help out–not that she would ever admit that last one openly. She had an image to maintain as a hardass and a thief after all.

So why did she feel guilty?

Several more moments passed in utter silence, with Malik so lost inside her own head that she didn’t even hear the rain anymore. Finally the sound of thunder broke through, scattering her thoughts once more, and the Dwarf let out a frustrated grunt as she buried her fingers in the deep red strands of hair, tousling her hair furiously as if to scrub the troubled thoughts from her brain. Andraste’s ass, who cared if her life didn’t make sense?! Things were fine as they were! She didn’t need to dwell on it or guilt-trip herself at times like this. She had a good life. She didn’t need to ask for anything more.

Malik cast a glare to the storm outside before pulling open the window, ignoring the roar of the wind and the rain as it stormed into her room and snuffed out the candles illuminating the room. Gritting her teeth, she leaned out slightly to grab the casement shutters, pulling them closed and latching them firmly. Once she was sure the wind wouldn’t blow them open, she closed the window, leaning against it slightly as silence reigned once more and darkness enveloped her. It was a comfort for the moment, and slowly she trudged over to the bed to collapse upon it, closing her eyes as she buried her face into the blankets.

It didn’t matter if her life didn’t make sense… Things were fine this way.

Some things were better left forgotten.


End file.
